KSRTC Bus Booking: Giving Birth In Bus!

Context: I was trying to book a bus ticket in KSRTC from Bangalore to Chennai.

KSRTC gave me 4 options. See the above screenshot. All is fine. But, they have not given description on the terms - “Lower Birth”, “Upper Birth” :) I can interpret in many different ways that will get censored in my brain itself.

KSRTC, please change the spelling guys.

‘How to Google’ – In Google

Can we call this height of stupidity? The search term “how to google” is being googled in google for 549,000,000 times :)

Website of a Chennai Auto Driver

I was browsing my FaceBook account and found a very interesting status update from my friend Jaggy. The status update is about a website being owned by an Auto driver in Chennai. The site is: http://www.tuktastic.com

First of all, I salue Samson for thinking out of the box. ie., coming out of his hardcore profession of driving an auto and making a presence in web.

The content in the site is really good. Anyone who want to tour Chennai will give him a call for sure. I like the thought of organizing the site into different sections that talk about what you can do in Chennai. In every section, he makes a statement that he can guide / take / suggest / help in doing anything the customer wants. One more salute.

Above all, he never calls his vehicle as Auto. He calls it 'Tuk-Tuk', this is cute. This relates to the tuk-tuk sound the tuk-tuk makes :) Nice thought Somson. Now you are one among the group that make Chennai proud.

Crazy Wishlist

Anyone will want to earn money in an easy way as possible :P Here is my crazy wishlist to earn money. I wish somebody pays me for doing the following from morning to night:

• Enjoy Twitter through out the day. I love reading the tweets of the people whom I follow. Its as refreshing as drinking a strong coffee.

• Enjoy FaceBook through out the day. The funny, meaningful, leg-pulling status messages and comments are the best part. Esp, the comments, Oh my god, you could see one's creativity in the comment section. But, a few are spoiling the fun by 'like'ing these type of status - "Got up now", "Going to office", ".....". F The W.

• Listen to songs non-stop. When I am down, listening to songs make me feel really better. When I am in super excited mood, listening to songs make me feel like I own the entire earth and 100 girls surrounding me :P

• Travel. Yes, travel from anywhere to anywhere. Traveling always keeps me high. New place, new people, new culture, new pictures, new food, what else one needs to make life interesting.

• Watch new movies in iNox with Tomato-chilly-popcorn in one hand and Sprite in another. Wow, what an experience. The last time I did this was at Avatar 3D @ iNox Jayanagar.

• Dinner'ing @ Kebab Magic. Whichever country I go and eat whatever food, Indian food beats them all and Ranks No. 1 in my mind. Esp, the combination of Chicken Shawarma Roll + Chicken Tikka Roll + Grape Juice in Kebab Magic is mindblowing. I enjoy every second of eating it :) Sometimes I say "aahh haa.....aaah haa chance ae illa" while eating this combination.
  

• Blogging. My favorite. My darling. There is some kind of happiness when a post receives a comment (be it +ve or -ve), when people follow the blog, subscribe to it, discuss about it. I do have lot of Blog friends. Have never thought Blogosphere will be this much fun.

P.S: Lets get connected in FaceBook, Twitter. The "Peppy Connect" widget is in the right side.

The Great Indian Arranged Marriages

Most of the marriages that happens in India, specifically Tamil Nadu (:P) is 'Arranged'. Fact is: Many people like love marriages, but because of so MANY factors the poor youths have no other choice other than settling for an arranged marriage. I am NOT saying arranged marriages are bad and love marriage is great, not at all. That is totally different and debatable topic. This post is all about: What all happens in a typical arranged marriage. Please don't take it serious :) Please Please.

Arranged marriage is a 4 step process.

Phase 1: Project Opening Ceremony / Initiation

Scenario A: Broom House..oh sorry, "Groom's House"
Typically when the guy is at 26 or so, a popup reminder flashes in the parents brain and auto-snoozes every month. The reminder will say: Your son has reached the marriage age, start looking.

Scenario B: Bridge House.. oh sorry, "Bride's House"
When the girl is 21 or so, the same reminder flashes in the parents brain, but snoozes daily, that’s the difference.

Parents decide to take steps to get their son/daughter married. First step is to inform their closest relative that they have decided to get their son/daughter married. Parents will be all happy on that day, they will not sleep on that night. What they will do without sleeping - Dreams. They dream about the bride/groom, where and when to have marriage, whom all to invite, post-marriage activities etc. Their life never stays the same after this day. They communicate this decision to their son/daughter, and you could see them blush, but they won't express it out. Natural. Understood. Fine.

Phase 2: Project Kick-Off
Parents ask the son/daughter about the expectation from them. This expectation requirement will be communicated to that closest relative and few others as well. Mobile phones usage goes to the peak during this definition period. "You know, my son needs a girl of 5'10" height, beautiful, working, especially in IT, should be working in a company where she gets bonus every year, increment every year, modern blah blah and blah" and the list goes on and on till Vodafone cuts the call. All the brokers will be in high demand during this period and will be in full swing action. Parents will schedule for daily status update with all the brokers, closest relative, closestt relative, closesttt relative.

Phase 3: Project Implementation
In this phase, the beneficiaries are photo studios. They make good business by offering marriage-photo-package. I know a studio in Chennai that charge 5K+ for few marriage snaps. What’s next? Yes, all the brokers receive a copy of the photograph on the same day. The courier companies also make good business. The parents start seeing the photos of bride/groom. This first round is called “Photo-Screaming” round. Only at this time, their vision will be extra powerful and crystal clear, even the Sankara Nethralaya doctors cannot assure such a clear vision. The subtle points on the looks will be promptly noted by parents and they reject photos one-by-one. The photo that they think is the best goes to the second round, it’s called the "Astro-Mastro" round. In this round, the family Astrologers are invited to the house and the paper in which the squares are drawn in random (called Horror-scope) is given to the Astrologer. He looks at it and tells loud all the planets name he remembers – “Jupiter, Mars, Venus, Uranium, Benzene, Chlorine etc and etc should come in one line, the day it comes, the marriage can happen”. Also, the astrologer compares the Horror-scope of girl and boy and gives a comprehensive review and a match score card. If the score is more than 70% then the Astro declares that the couples are a perfect match. Don’t be surprised if the Astrologer says the score as “268 for 3 wickets” if he is a cricket fan. The next round is the “Desktop-Background-Verification” round. In this round, the parents hire a secret agency as freelancers, that’s their relatives. The message passed to them is “try to find out whether the boy/girl is of good character, no bad habits, their wealth, health, etc”. The secret agency feels proud of this assignment ad in-turn outsource the work to many small groups. I really don’t understand what these secret agents will do. After a week, these agents send a report to the parents. The probability of these reports to be at least 5% correct is ZERO. Parents asses the details like as if they are reading Gita / Kuran / Bible. If this round is also cleared, then this indicates the completion of the Technical round, now it’s the HR round that will be conducted by the son/daughter. “What is the name, education, work details, date of birth, height, hobbies” – few questions asked by the HR, that’s the son/daughter. Parents don’t answer these questions, instead they show a white sheet in which all these details are documented, the Marriage Resume. If the person fails to clear the HR round, then the parents start the Technical Round afresh with the “Photo-Screaming” round. Point to note is – HR interview happens by not seeing / talking to the candidate, that’s the rule of the project set by the project managers (parents).

When the person clears HR round too, it’s time to initiate the joining formalities, that’s the time to talk about marriage. Boys side parents, relatives and the boy go to the girl house for the 1st time. They are treated with Kg and Kg of sweets, some special dishes which the girl’s mom have tried for the first time. Irrespective of the taste of the food / sweet / un-named dish, the boy side says it’s the best food item they have ever had; the digestive system manager hears this from inside of the body and just cries and the person immediately asks “where is the loo”. The girl usually comes after the parents called her name “name_of_person come come”. The girl comes with dozens of coffee tumblers (even though there are only 2 people from the boy side) with her eye sight perpendicular to the ground. While serving coffee to the boy, there is a 2-second extra wait deliberately made by the girl. All four eyes meet. Romance. A full length Manirathnam movie with AR Rehman score completes in 2 seconds. Boy like girl and vice-versa. Boy asks parent “can I talk to the girl for sometime”. The parents react as if they heard “can I goto Bombay and do a sex-change operation” and immediately stare and say “No”. Pity the boy, also the girl. The talks like – date of marriage, place, budget etc are discussed and they come to a mutual agreement by exchanging two copper vessels in which saree, flowers, fruits are kept. This is the “Sar-Flo-Fru-Treaty”. Everyone puts the first gear and moves ahead for marriage related work. Marriage happens.

Phase 4: Project Maintenance
Post-Marriage!

Too Much Of Anything Is Good For Nothing: Technology

Birthday wishes, passing messages, playing pranks have taken a new dimension in this 21st century. The preferred mode of wish - in person, telephone, letter, email, pigeon, anything else?. But, the TV and FM media came out with a mind-blowing concept of wishing for birthdays through TV and FM. This is the height.

For the benefit of people who haven't been gifted to watch / hear these programmes:
There is a FM programme where in people can wish others on any occasion / pass a message. This is how it works: Lets say there are two people - A and B. A calls the RJ (the one hosting the programme) and tells the phone number of his friend / relative(B). Then the RJ dials in B. Now, A, B and RJ are in conference. Now, A passes a message to B. The message will be like - say Hi to your dad, How is your new shirt, Are you coming to Vijaya Hotel tonight for dinner?A can also wish B for whatever occasion. Then the call is closed. The RJ feels proud as if he closed the deal between India and Pakistan on Kashmir. There is a TV programme that does the same thing explained above in FM station.

What is this? Guys (the ones involved in these programmes), don't you have brains? Common sense? If you want to wish a person, why not to call them directly? Do you need a middle-man even in this? There are people who listen / watch these programmes, that's the best part :)

Operation Eunuch

How many of you have felt irritated when an Eunuch stands right in front of you and demands money? Ok, I can hear you screaming "Me, Me, Me!". Hands down.

Sometimes the way they demand money from us make us think for a second that we are debtors to them. Why should we give money to them without any reason?

Eunuchs have specific location in Bangalore (JP Nagar Phase 6) where they roam in gang of 5+ and loot every individual who is waiting in the traffic signal. Also, you could easily notice an Eunuch demanding money in the Chennai - Bangalore train. You can even forget your train ticket, but don't forget to carry 5 or 10 rupees with you to 'donate' it to Eunuch. Long live the E's.

Last week, I was waiting in the JP Nagar 6th phase signal.

Eunuch (E): Give money.
KP: Huh?
E: Take money (lends out her (err..his?) hand and almost reaching my shirt pocket)
KP: Wait, I don't have change
E: Give me the money, I will give you change
KP: Ohh..hmm... I already gave money to another person. (there were 4-5 Eunuchs conducting a mass raid on the public, probably they should join Income Tax department)
E: Don't lie bhayya
KP: I'm serious. I already gave money.
E: (she calls another E, lets name the person E9)
(E9 arrives on spot)
E to E9: Did he give money?
E9: (Looks at me) Hmmm.... NO!
(My heart stopped, I can't manage one Eunuch only. Now, there are two Eunuchs right in front of me)
KP: I gave money to another person, not to this person.
E: Today is Jan 1st, first day of the year. Don't lie.
KP: I gave.

Signal was Green and without giving anything I escaped.

Long back, I was traveling in the Bangalore Express Train from Chennai to Bangalore. I was reading a book - "The Google Story". For the first time in life, a teenage girl sat right in front of me in my compartment. Train started. I was fully into the book. Suddenly, there was a clapping sound and heard the jingles of the bangles. I looked up for a second and immediately put my head down in reflex. Eunuchs arrived. Time for damage I thought. Since then I was acting as if I was reading the book by placing my forehead parallel to the train floor, but my mind was thinking whether the E's will come to me and demand money and create a scene there by embarrassing me in front of the teenage girl. And in the next second, it happened. The scenes I imagined were executed perfectly by the E's. They walked straight down to ONLY me and placed their hand on my book. I felt yuck. Gave Rs 10/-. Don't know for what. Was really embarrassed.

Again, the same question - Why should anyone give money without any reason? Soft terrorism?

Five Point Someone --> 3 Idiots. Which came first? Answer is simple!

Now, almost everyone know that the Hindi movie "3 Idiots" is a movie version of the paper book "Five Point Someone" (FPS).

Now, a question for all of you - Who is the author of the book FPS? Answer: Chetan Bhagat

Yet another, When was this book released? Answer: 2004

This being the fact, the makers claim 3 Idiots is an original story. I am an ardent fan of Chetan. Come on, FPS is his kid. The DNA of the book belongs to Chetan. No one can / should claim false credit. But, strangely, the "3 Idiots" did.

Please read, Chetan Bhagat's view on this issue here: http://www.chetanbhagat.com/blog/general/a-book-a-film-and-the-truth

Anger: Extension of Anniyan, Unnai Pol Oruvan

This post is an extension of the Tamil movies "Unnai Pol Oruvan" and "Anniyan". These two movies deal with the hero's(Kamal Haasan, Vickram, resply) anger towards the society in general.

I am cool at most of the time. Sometimes, I get very angry in the below mentioned circumstances. I get angry when -

• i see a food item that was priced Rs 30 earlier (a year back), now costs Rs 100. The same applies with – Cinema tickets, house rents, land rates. All credits to Software Engineers. Anyone disagree?

• airtel introduces the ‘Unlimited GPRS for mobile’ plan in a week and withdraws the plan in same week. This has happened at least 5 to 10 times I think.

• i don’t get the 50 paisa, 1 rupee or 2 rupee change from Bus Conductors and Auto-walas. Alternatively, if we give 50 paisa or 1 rupee less than what they charge, they don’t accept it.

• i ask for Aalo Parantha at Upahara Sagar (@ Bangalore) and the in-charge refuses to give Chutney (that I see in a 100 cm diameter container right in front of eyes) and says pointblank “We give only some gravy with Aalo Parantha. Won’t give chutney!”

• i buy an item (say 250 ml Maaza drink) inside a Bus Stand for price higher than MRP. I got a water bottle for Rs 25, MRP was Rs 20. I showed that to the shop owner @ Koyambedu Bus Stand (Chennai) and told him “don’t sell like this to a honest lawyer, (s)he will sue you”. The reply I got is – Sir, this shop is inside bus stop, that’s why costly.

• i open the gate door of my house compound at 2 AM and my house owner switches ON the compound light and gives me a dirty look like she has seen a thief. What the hell, I pay my rent, does it matter what time I enter my home? After all, I am a Software Engineer. Again, anyone disagree?

• i think every month that at least for this month I will not have any expense and I end up spending all my month’s salary by mid-month itself.

• my mobile broadband disconnects automatically without any reason when I am downloading something important.

• i see a dirty restroom.

• i think I have got the best deal for a product that I purchased from a store and I see another store selling at super cheap rate for the same product. Cheated!

• i browse the TV Channels and all I see is TV Serials in which one slaps another OR a crying scene OR a depressing demeaning black hole sad scene
  

• people have “Busy” status ALWAYS in their GTalk. Few of my friends do this :) Really want to know how anyone in this world can be Busy 24 x 7 x 365. Waiting for Dec 21st 2012 :P

• the traffic cop catches people for silly reasons whenever they need money and says “take the RC book, driving license, insurance papers”. I have seen ‘N’ number of incidents in Chennai.

• the media overplays an unimportant news just to create a hype or fill their news hour.

• i see news like “Ranbir Kapoor is the sexiest man now, a latest survey says” in the Headlines. Come on, is this really a news that deserve the Headlines?

• my house maid promises to clean my house twice a week and comes only twice a month.

• i see people disobey the traffic rules.

• i see idiots who honk from the back when there are vehicles in front of mine and the signal is also RED.

• i see people dress shabbily and everyone could see everything. Upto you to imagine what this line means.

• i see people fight and die just because their name is not mentioned in a wedding invitation.

• i see people spend tens of lakhs on a wedding.

It's not the complete list. These are top of my mind points.

Avatar, Bavatar, Vivatar

Talk of the town....oops.... Talk of the world is now - "AVATAR", a great movie by the Titanic fame director James Cameroon. But, this post is not a review of Avatar. This morning, I got a forward mail in which the Avatar poster was morphed. There are two great 'legends' in Tamil and Telugu cinema industry. They are namely Dr. Vijay and Baalaiya (not sure whether he is a Doctor). The morphed pictures had these two in it. Here it is. Credit goes to the creator of these images.